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Natural Baby Blog, Part 3 – Welcoming Our Baby to the “Sterile Plain”
So, this doctor comes in and takes his time building his “sterile plain” while I’m told not to push. When your baby is pretty much crowning, I don’t care how much epidural you have, the pressure is SOOO intense and not pushing is nearly impossible. I already didn’t like this doctor and now I am about ready to kick the crap out of him! He better be glad I didn’t have the use of my legs due to that darn epidural!
The Delivery Doctor with No Bedside Manners
He finally gets set up and tells me to push. I push twice and he says, “I am going to make a small cut to speed this up.” Really dude? It’s been like 10 minutes since you walked into my room and 6 or 7 of that was you adding a zillion sterile pads to my bed??? You want to speed things up by cutting ME down THERE??? But, you know, when you are on the delivery table in the middle of pushing, you aren’t really in a state to argue. And, David knew even less than I did, so he didn’t say anything. Snip, snip! He tells me to push one more time and suddenly I hear, “Oh, there is a membrane! You water is not broken!” as my baby is crowning. This is, again, where I probably should have jumped off the table and run. Only, I couldn’t. Maybe I should have told David to drag me off the table and deliver the baby himself? Only, he wouldn’t have anyway (he had a traumatic experience seeing his little brother being born and was a little freaked out by the whole process). So, instead I just lay there as this doctor pops the water bag with my son’s head halfway out.
How Many Stitches???
Now, you know how if you having something laying on the ground and shoot a hose at it, it will propel forward at a high rate of speed? Well, that’s essentially what happened when he broke my amniotic sac as my baby was crowning. A rush of water propelled him out. You are supposed to ease a baby out, one shoulder at a time, when delivering a baby. My baby came out with both shoulders at the same time. No woman’s body is not made for that. And, that cut the doctor made to speed things up? Yeah, that made a nice little start for that pressure and sheer mass of the baby to take it over and make it spread. You know when you start cutting a piece of fabric and then can tear it more easily? This is how your skin works too, in case you were wondering. I am not sure if the joke was on me or the doctor who was in such a hurry because, let me tell you, 40+ stitches in the va-jay-jay is not a quick process. He spent quite a bit of time cleaning up the “mess” he made. See why I said I should have had my husband deliver the baby? He could have done a better job, clearly.
Is it a Boy or Girl?
My shaken husband (clearly this was a bloody process), is sort of staring at the baby with these huge eyes. The baby is clearly fine – crying loudly – albeit a little blue around the edges. I finally ask my husband “What is it???” He said, “I think it’s a boy?” YOU THINK? HA! He was a little boy – our little Jonathan Caleb Noble. He was beautiful and perfect! Ultimately, yes, that’s what matters, but it certainly could have gone a lot better.
The Recovery Period
The next week was pure HELL while I was recovering. I couldn’t sit comfortably. I couldn’t walk comfortably. I couldn’t pee comfortably (we won’t even discuss the pooping process. I won’t scare my readers THAT much). I couldn’t even stand still comfortably. I can tell you that while Jonathan’s birth may have been vaginal, it was not at ALL natural. I spent the first week of his life in so much pain that I couldn’t even enjoy him. Breastfeeding was a chore, not special bonding time, because it hurt to even sit and nurse him (and not just because of latch issues).
Unwelcome (and stinky) Congratulations
To wind up, I am going to back track a little to a part I can sort of laugh at now. Just after the baby was born, I was trying desperately to see my little guy over this barrier the doctor had set up. I would reach down and try to push the pads out of my line of vision. Over and over again, I heard “Do not cross the sterile plain!” from this idiot who had just essentially cut me half (okay, that’s a little dramatic, but…). Really? It’s MY baby! It’s MY body! At the time, I was livid. Now, because Jonathan is here, Jonathan is healthy, I did heal (mostly) and I did bond with my baby boy, I can look back on it for the ridiculous moment it was! Then, he has the nerve to get right up in my face, with his stinky breath (GAH!) and say to me, “Congratulations! I think that went okay!” Um, easy for you to say when you were finished sewing me up with layer upon layer of stitches!!! That was probably the only time I was grateful for that stupid epidural (and he should be grateful too!)!